The “We Suck at Running Contests, Contest”

Over the past few weeks, we’ve been running a contest, asking our readers to give our centaur an identity and the only feedback we had was that he scares the crap out of people.

So now we still have this BlueGlass TPA ticket to give away and either nobody wanted it or we suck at running a contest. Since BlueGlass TPA is going to be amazing and there’s no way anyone in their right mind wouldn’t want it, we’ve decided that we suck at running contests (actually, I suck at it, but I blame Chase at least a little bit).

As of a few minutes ago, the conference is sold out. That means that right now, we’re the only option for getting a ticket if you haven’t bought one. Update: 25 new tickets were made available 8/19. They will likely sell fast and are $995 each. Save yourself some cash and win one from us!

10 Reasons You NEED To Be At BlueGlass TPA

  1. Awesome speakers like Rae Hoffman and Greg Boser.
  2. Florida is perfect that time of year.
  3. You can throw patio chairs into the swimming pool at the conference hotel and not get kicked off the property forever (don’t ask).
  4. There is a good pizza place within delivery distance and they will deliver pizza after midnight.
  5. Good food all day both days. Most meals are supplied as part of your ticket but if you don’t find something you like at the venue, you’re a short van ride away from plenty of good options.
  6. Networking that will likely be more valuable than any other conference you attend this year.
  7. Open Bar! There will be a 2 hour open bar each night where you will have the opportunity to inhale as much alcohol as you can to carry you through the night. Just don’t pass out. We may have Sharpie markers…
  8. 3 of us from AuthorityLabs will be there. Our CTO will drink you under the table, guaranteed.
  9. I will likely challenge Brian Clark to some kind of competition just to annoy him since he thinks I’m a troll.
  10. You have nothing better to do September 26th & 27th, guaranteed.

Here’s How You Can Win

Leave a comment here explaining why you need to go to BlueGlass TPA. It can be a sentence or a novel. We just want to know why you think we should give you a free ticket. You get one entry. All entries must be in by August 26th. On August 29th we will pick the top 5 entries and have a panel of celebrity judges vote for the winner by September 1st.



Don’t worry we all suck at something. I need the ticket cause I got drunk and lost the company credit card at ses san fran…and its really hot in AZ.

Dixon Jones

Here are 10 reasons why I should win.
1: I did not get invited to speak by Loren and the crew.
2: One of my hats is Markering Director of MajesticSEO
3: Anyone truly serious about SEO frankly needs our data in some form unless they want the cheap stuff.
4: Another hat I wear is as a director of
5: tracks thousands of phrases usin AuthorityLabs making us a serious customer
6: I know most of the speakers
7: I know most of AuthorityLabs
8: I have no other good reason to fly over the Atlantic in September except…
9: I need the Airmiles and
10: I’ll probably blog about winning and link to AuthorityLabs.

πŸ™‚ – gotta be in with a chance!


Arienne Holland

I will transfer ownership of the @FakeCopyblogger Twitter account to the winner of your little competition.

Arienne Holland

That was more for either of the Brians, in case they wanted it πŸ™‚

Brian LaFrance

I could probably make good use of that account πŸ˜€


Okay… I vowed that I was done conference hoping this year… But if you really want to give me a ticket….. I will bring a live scorpion to the event, hold it by it’s tail… and… Let it sting Brian LaFrance Or Eat it… whatever happens first.

Brian LaFrance

That pretty much guarantees that you’re done with conferences for the year πŸ™‚


Because I need a break from media coverage πŸ˜‰ and I need to catch up with Rae now that she can drink again! Of course forcing Brian to drink is always fun too.


I need the ticket because I know the Blueglass events are the best but I haven’t had the chance to go to one yet.

And since the event is now sold out, the only way I can go is if the fine folks at AuthorityLabs give me their ticket.

It would also give me the chance to whip Brian’s ass in poker. πŸ™‚


I would much like to join the Blue Glass Toilet Paper Association meeting this year as I have much improvements to share in Toilet Paper Optimization techniques and also am braggable at karaoke.

Sanjay Sabnani

I believe I deserve this ticket because I am Indian and unlike the activist, Anna Hazare, who is willing to fast until death for his cause, I believe that I can cause real change by networking within arms length of an open bar. I also write really long and dense sentences so Tweeting is not an option. Also, if you have Indians at your event it will automatically make it seem like the conference is GLOBAL in nature. I am also able to handle extreme levels of UV radiation without using sunscreen.

On a more serious note, I am launching a new attraction/aphrodisiac fragrance called and I need help marketing. I will also bring samples so that the throngs of women surrounding me and LaFrance will be generously shared with all those who support my bid for this ticket.

If I don’t go who will speak for the people of the forums? My company, is helping preserve forums so that you guys can keep spamming them with low-weighting, do-follow links. What will the future look like if I cannot win this ticket? Pretty darn bleak I say.

Brian LaFrance

lmao…who can pass up the throngs of women surrounding me? πŸ™‚

Arienne Holland

Brian: perv.

Sanjay: would you like to write for Raven?

Brian LaFrance

Hey…don’t be poaching my friends to come write for you guys. I have a hard enough time getting writers πŸ˜›

Speaking of which…want to guest post on our site (Sanjay or Arienne)

Arienne Holland

I can’t help it if you’re not maximizing the possibilities of your contest, identifying talented satire writers and following up with them for future content exchanges πŸ˜‰

You did say you suck at running contests, though πŸ˜€

Sure. I do favors. You know my e-mail; it’s public on the Internet:

Ben Cook

So does Sanjay get declared the winner now or do we have to wait for others to try but ultimately fail to top this brilliance?

Sanjay Sabnani

I think four paragraphs is what it takes to win now. Hopefully by tonight someone will write a book about why they should get a free ticket. I am already working on one, but I can’t just post it for free.

If any of you want to become affiliates of this COMPELLING info product then let me know!

Sanjay Sabnani

I’m writing the book and you want me to build website at the same time too?! Good thing I am all set with Use coupon code BALD for $700 off this fantastic PRIVATE membership site- now yours for only $2299! I guarantee that YOU TOO CAN WIN CONTESTS!


I tried naming the Centaur… I think I got blocked by the spam/language filter… I didn’t think the name was that bad.

Sanjay Sabnani

It needs to be a kid friendly name because the objective is to get more children involved in SEO at an early age. One day they are watching Donald DoFollow the centaur on TV, the next they are subscribing to AuthorityLabs tools. Just like the tobacco companies…

Justin Freid

I’d love the ticket to attend for a couple of reasons. And here they are:

1. I’d love the opportunity to learn from the team at Blueglass and the kick ass line up of speakers. While I am good at my job, there is always room to learn.
2. I’m about 5 years in to my career in SEM/SEO and am getting to the point where I would like to start speaking at events. I feel networking through this event could help me meet some great people in the industry.
3. I am not your average internet marketer. I am 6’5, 250LBs and an ex football player. So while out at a bar if anyone referred to one of us as a geek etc.. I could beat them up for you.
4. I can throw a patio chair at least 25 feet. Don’t believe me? Let me win and I will show you.
5. I am extremely talented at open bars. Yup.
6. I used to work at a company called LaFrance that sold the little logos on your favorite home appliances.
7. My career hs been mostly in lead generation for the finance, auto insurance and education markets. So I have some great experience in very competitive markets. I think my experience could be valuable to others at the conference.

In summation, I would love the opportunity to attend. I think it could be a valuable learning experience and from the sound of it, a pretty damn good time.

Arienne Holland

I’m not in charge of this contest, but if I was, I would pick you now, not Sanjay. You just might learn something while you’re boozing it up. I don’t know what, because they’re all boozers, but you might.

Justin Freid

Thanks Arienne! I’ve been known to digest knowledge while drunk so it may work out. I tend to “brown” out instead of “black” out so I can at least walk away with a few learnings.

Justin Freid

I’m going to reply to myself here so it looks like people are talking about my entry.

Sanjay Sabnani

I vote for you too. I just had a Red Bull this morning and went a bit nuts. I can also only go for one day (Monday) since I have to speak in Chicago the next day. Best of luck!

Melissa Fach

This guy seems funny, Brian! Blue Glass conferences thrive on goofy people πŸ™‚ Justin, if you win I am one of the short geeks. Good luck!

Arienne Holland

Brian, I need that shirt to fit a G-cup, ok? No more Bacon Explosions.

Brian LaFrance

I’ll see if we have any extras…but can’t guarantee sizing πŸ™‚


1. I live around the corner, so I’m guaranteed to attend
2. I don’t have the scratch to get a ticket due to recent “events”
3. As a WP developer, I need to learn about SEO to enhance my skillset
4. I’ve worked with many of these people before, so putting a face to the names would be awesome

Melissa Fach

Norcross is awesome and well loved on Twitter. He came to the last night in TPA last year! He is also funny, very nice and has cool tattoos…Yep, Good choice!

Arienne Holland

I don’t know what your recent “events” are, but yeah! You should go.

Chris Campbell

I met the AL team just a few months ago at Gangplank in Chandler, while in town for Startup Weekend. Chase sat down with for at least an hour to explain all the cool stuff the AL team was working on, explain how they were able to get accurate rankings and the fact that I have been a customer for a year, will make me a great brand ambassador while I am down in Florida. I would love the rep the AL while I am down there.

I am an avid travler and really enjoy meeting new people, in fact I just moved out of Chicago to start a trip around the world for the next few years. One of my goals is to expand my network and expertise of online marketing, both of which I can achieve with a ticket to BlueGlass, it would give me an awesome head start on my trip.

As a SEO strategist, I’m keen on learning new ways to keep my clients happy. I would love the opportunity to learn from the best and the brightest in the industry to hone and improve my craft.

I think Sanjay’s right: the event needs global representation. I have a small team in India and the Philippines, with a ticket I’ll be able to share what I have learned from working with people on the other side of the world, the enabling effect of the knowledge I gain from it becoming, in effect, multi-fold.

At the same time, I believe I have enough valuable experience from working with SMBs and Fortune 500 companies to be able to pass on and share what I know about SEO.

Open bar? You’ll bet I’ll do AuthorityLabs proud by drinking through a conversion funnel. Yes I will take photos that you can post on your blog.

Google says so. I’m serious! Check out a screenshot of the search results for “Who deserves that ticket to the upcoming Blueglass TPA”:

Brian LaFrance

If that wasn’t photoshopped, you would totally be one of the top picks πŸ™‚

Cory Howell

I’d love to go, because I haven’t been able to make any major conferences since PubCon in 2006 (yes, 2006!). The budget isn’t available to send me & to be honest, I’m not the best social butterfly in the market.

BUT… I would greatly appreciate the opportunity to go & to further “stretch my wings” and get more acquainted with all of the speakers & other attendees that I learn from everyday.

Michael Halvorsen

I would love to attend another conference before the year is up. I had plans to attend PubCon, but we can’t have the entire SEO team (2) out of the office at the same time. BlueGlass TPA would be the perfect opportunity for me to get out of the office for another conference.

While I will not be able to grow a mustache in time for BlueGlass TPA, I would grow a mustache during the month of November in honor of AuthorityLabs. Afterall, I am the #1 mustache consultant – (no Photoshop necessary)

As you can see, I can grow a serious ‘stache and I would most definitely say the ‘stache was sponsored by you guys for the month of Movember πŸ™‚ I will do a better job at having more pictures taken on a regular basis ( ) and I will feature you guys in my wrap-up post.

So if you like mustaches, I am your guy. Otherwise go ahead and pick someone else who is not as talented as I am.

Arienne Holland

I don’t know how to Plus One this in a blog comment.

Also, you should win so you can stop taking your loss of the Raven mustache contest personally.


If you haven’t seen Mike’s ‘stache you’re missing out. Not only is this a plea for Mike to win. But if he win’s, he’ll not only dye his ‘stache to match the BlueGlass color scheme but will wear a monocle the entire time. A vote for Mike is a vote for blue mustaches and monocles!

Lyena Solomon

I haven’t seen Mike’s mustache. And from the looks of it, I won’t see it at PubCon. But the pictures are quite impressive. In a mustache contest, it is hard to imagine a more deserving winner.

David Angotti

I deserve to win because I want to discuss what an autoritylabs enterprise account could do for me an my company. . . Oh wait, I don’t have a company. I am a small freelancer and this conference could help take me to the next level! Once I become the CEO of a fortune 100 company, I will remember who sent me to the conference and purchase the enterprise plan (or maybe the whole company). If I win with this comment, consider your hypothesis (sucking at running a contest) proven! πŸ™‚


Let’s face it…Nobody really NEEDS to go to BlueGlass. Well okay, you gave 10 good reasons to go…but let’s be honest, there were really only nine. And 9 is an interesting number because that’s how many letters there are in “BlueGlass.” And if you turn the 9 upside down you get a 6. Put those two numbers together and what do you get? That’s right…96. And if you recall, 1996 was a leap year which means there were 29 days in February. If you add 29 to 1996 you get 2025. 2+0+2+5= there’s that 9 again!

February is a significant month as well. A lot of people think I was born in February because of my name. I wasn’t. February is always the shortest month of the year, unlike September which is never the shortest month of the year. The BlueGlass conference ends on September 27 this year. What do you get if you add 2+7? That’s right, 9. And which month is September? The 9th month.

You may be asking yourself, “What the hell is this guy talking about?” Don’t ask that. You also may be asking yourself “Why shoud I give this d-bag a free ticket to the BlueGlass TPA conference?” Well, because I especially like 3 things:

1) The color blue – Let’s face it. It’s a great color. People like blue. They trust it. It makes them feel good. It’s the color of the sky and swimming pools.
2) Glass – Everything’s better with glass. Drink out of a plastic cup, then drink out of a glass. Which one do you prefer? Ever live in a house without glass windows? It’s called prison. Would you hop into a van with no windows? I think you get the idea.
3) Tampa – Residents of Tampa are called “Tampans.” I think that sounds bloody cool. It also leads me to my next point…Tampa has more strip clubs per capita than any other city in the U.S. Why does that matter? It doesn’t. But here’s the thing…

If you give me a free ticket to BlueGlass, I’ll feel like I’m at an outdoor strip club, under bright blue skies, drinking scotch out of some fancy glass.

Oh, and I love SEO and internet marketing.

Brian LaFrance

Mind sharing whatever you’ve been smoking? πŸ™‚

That is pretty funny…

Rob Woods

Creepy Moustaches for the win. Mike was ‘stache-less last time I saw him so send him, as long as he meets the condition of showing up and being photographed with exceptionally creepy facial hair.

Also, I think I need a keyword intervention. I just realized I instinctively said moustache 3 different ways above….

Dixon Jones

OK – I am sponsoring BlueGlass to now, so probably best to give the ticket to someone else. I am PRETTY sure that sponsorship comes with ticket entry! πŸ™‚

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